im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
