I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
