sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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