I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize