i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
