On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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