how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We got so high we made milksteak
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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