This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
