So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
