I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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