Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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