that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
