I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
