im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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