I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
