if you like me you must not know who I am
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
