The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
