If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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