I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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