he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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