Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The feeling are messing with the penis
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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