I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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