So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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