She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize