I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
