So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
