I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
