I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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