Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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