wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
