Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
