Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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