I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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