Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My vagina is officially offended.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
