K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
