I didn't shave. On purpose
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
