Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
