for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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