Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
