i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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