Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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