How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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