it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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