he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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