it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
