yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
