so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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