Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
