I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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