Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
