I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
