I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
