Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
