im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
