Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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