Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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