so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
