Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
