I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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