I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
