He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
