porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
