man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
