for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
