you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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