It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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