matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize