Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize