I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
