soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
