I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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