i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
