I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
